does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
