What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
