wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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