The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
