Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
