I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've blown a few things in my day
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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