Will you blow on my dice?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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