your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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