I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
