eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
