He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When are your genitals available?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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