Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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