My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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