I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
