He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
