Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
