we're chasing vodka with high fives
if i died would you start the facebook group?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
