Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
