dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
