Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
