I met the friendliest cop last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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