Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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