Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
