I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
