Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
