90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
