my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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