WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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