I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
