Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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