please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
