if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
