Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Randomize
