i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
