a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
false alarm. still invincible.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
