If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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