chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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