According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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