I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
