i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
