How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
