I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We’re leaving where are you
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