you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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