I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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