It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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