Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
