Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
