The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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