so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
