JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
