I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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