is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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